I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
