The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
