Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
