You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
a search helicopter?!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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