She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My vagina just recognized that song.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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