thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm too high and old for this...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
