no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
