BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
