Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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