Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
