ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
