Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
