fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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