I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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