dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
