mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
