Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
