you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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