I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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