Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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