Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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