I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
