You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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