actually, I'm a sock model
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
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