I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
