If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?