babies were throwing up all over the place
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
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There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
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I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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