I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid