I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.