they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds