youre lurking in front of me
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.