you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
if only i could text you this smell
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.