I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.