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well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
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