If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day