so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.