just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
