he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.