Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
