I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
