So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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