i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
