I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
