we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
