his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
