I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
