the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
