I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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