Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
