This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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