you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I DEMAND FORESKIN
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
