They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
