Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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