this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
