Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
