Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
