she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
