I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
