You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
my poor anus
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
