Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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