Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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