her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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