Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
