Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
