I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
