Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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