p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
