1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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