Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
