If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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