He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
