He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
