ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
