Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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