Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
